I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I want to be your penis for a week.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Randomize
