I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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