Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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