Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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