this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I wear drunk well.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
