he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
