this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
