Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Randomize
