i'm lost and i look like a hooker
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
