the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
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