FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
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I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
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sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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