At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Randomize
