How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
