Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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