You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Randomize
