I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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