My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
