My first STD was from a foam party
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
