I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
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