i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Randomize
