Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
