he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
