all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
