last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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