Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I FOUND THE LEGS
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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