Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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