Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
