There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
We have started to decorate penises.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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