They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
