Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Randomize
