thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Randomize
