she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
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