Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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