I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
