Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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