Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
