my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
