One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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