Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Randomize
