Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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