Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
accomplished twins. life is a go
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
