So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
