Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
