She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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