I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
