apparently the secret to your success is patron
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
