Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Randomize
