I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I want her autograph on my taint
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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