just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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