answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
