I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
