wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
