Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
