i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
