Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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