you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
