Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
