I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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