You smell like stripper and shame
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
You don't make any sense
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