i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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