I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
