The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
