I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
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