Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Randomize
