went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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