dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
