Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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