that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
