I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Randomize
