the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
