watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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