Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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