I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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