He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
