youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
