either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
