I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
